As a meditating novice at a ten day silent meditation retreat in 2013, I kept hearing the word “equanimity” along with it’s more descriptive form “equanimous.” I had no idea what that meant. For whatever reason, I wasn’t getting it from the context it was in, and since I had no access to technology during the retreat, I couldn’t Google it. But sitting in meditation for 10 hours a day for 10 days gives you a lot of time to think, and I kinda, sorta, figured it out. And I knew I needed more of it in my life.
I know a little more about equanimity today and I also know it’s not an easy concept to explain. As the name suggests, it’s about balance, but it’s so much more than that. I share with my meditation group a guided meditation that seems to help (at least it helps me), so I’m including some of the passages to offer clarity. I’m going to give you pairs of words and I want you to reflect on what they mean to you.
The first of these word pairs is praise and blame. Take a moment right now to contemplate your reaction to these two words, in both body and mind. When someone gives you praise or compliments you, does it throw you a little bit off balance, one way or the other, thinking either you don’t deserve it or you’re finally receiving the recognition that’s due? What if you could receive a compliment while remaining stable in body and mind?
Now check in with yourself as you consider how it feels to receive criticism or blame. How does it feel in body? In what ways do you lose your balanced state of mind? What would it feel like to receive criticism and remain undisturbed?
Next, think of the pair of words pleasure and pain. What do you notice? Are you aware of some attachment to pleasure and an aversion to pain? Or perhaps you avoid pleasure and grasp on to your pain, as many people do. Now what would it feel like to equally welcome all sensations, to allow your full humanity to experience it all without attachment to either?
The third pair of words I want you to bring to mind it gain and loss. What arises in your body when you reflect upon these two words? Do you feel pushed or pulled in any one direction? Maybe you want to bring to mind an experience when you got exactly what you wanted or when you lost something dear to you. What would it feel like to hold space equally for both joy and suffering?
Now that you’ve considered these pairs of words, you might be getting a better idea of what equanimity is. And to further explain, I have a little imagery exercise that I hope will help clarify. I want you to imagine you are a mighty oak tree. Your roots reach deep down into the earth to give you stability and groundedness. It may be windy or rainy or snowy, yet you just become more strong over time. And while you may be pushed and pulled, and even lose some branches, you remain deeply rooted and always return to center, never angry at the clouds, wind and rain or hoping for a sunny day. You are not moved by the changing seasons or weather patterns. You accept it all, all is welcome.
For me, equanimity means that I can hold all sides of life within me without becoming overwhelmed. It’s important to understand that equanimity does not mean that you don’t experience great joy or great sorrow, it does not mean indifference, in fact quite the opposite. Equanimity allows you to care deeply and with a sense of ease and acceptance. It reminds us that we do not have complete control over any situation. Equanimity is understanding that joy and sorrow come and go.
Equanimity doesn’t come easy. Am I always equanimous? Of course not! I am a work in progress and I find the more I follow my practice, the easier it is to remain equanimous. And it is so worth it.
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