We humans carry a wide range of emotions. Some people would say that’s what differentiates us from other animals, but having seen how excited my dogs got about going for a w-a-l-k and how content my cats get when they have all my attention (as long as that’s what they want – you know cats), I would tend to disagree with that statement.
Mindfulness does not endeavor to shut down your emotions. On the contrary, mindfulness is all about awareness, about exploring your emotions from a place of curiosity, of non-judgment. Exploring your inner world like this helps you to understand why your react to the outer world as you do, and with understanding comes the ability to choose your responses.
After nearly fifteen years of a mindfulness practice, I still react instead of respond. Again, humanness. However, every so often my response makes me take pause and think: this whole mindfulness stuff really works!
It’s been over seven weeks now that I was in an accident on a rural Oregon highway several hundred miles from home. Seven weeks later, my car is still in pieces at a body shop in Portland, because of a computer glitch at my insurance company. I want my car back, the body shop wants it done and my claims adjuster is tired of hearing from me, but somewhere in the system is a portal that won’t open so that the body shop can upload the documents. Somehow they have not resolved this issue in over two weeks.
Now, I have been very patient throughout this experience. But then curiosity gave way to doubt and a little mistrust. At some point I just had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. And then one night I had what I call a 2am epiphany: it was time to get impatient.
Choosing to get impatient let me do so in a controlled way. I called my claims adjuster, and got her voice mail, so I stated my case without letting my emotions control me – no anger, no accusing, just the facts. I liked that it was on voice mail, so that it was recorded, and I really didn’t want any dialog about it, just resolution. Not surprisingly, the next morning I received a call from such-and-such department at the insurance company saying the technical issues were resolved and the body shop had uploaded the documents.
While I wasn’t pleased I had to chase it for so many weeks, I am happy I was able to resolve it without going to anger as I may have in my life before my mindfulness practice.
Oftentimes, people say they must not be meditating right because they don’t notice any changes. To them I would ask two questions: 1) how long have you been meditating? Changes don’t happen overnight. You’ve spent your entire life shaping your brain, creating neural pathways that control your thoughts. Don’t expect change to happen instantly or even quickly; and 2) how do you know it’s not working? We often are the last people to see change in ourselves. That is, of course, unless something like my 2am epiphany knocks you upside your head. I suggest you ask those closest to you if they notice any changes.
Meditation works. Scientific studies and my own anecdotal evidence support this. Meditation is the most effective way to cultivate mindfulness. There are many ways to meditate, so find one that works for you. While it may not be easy when you first start out, it’s a simple practice that can be done anywhere at anytime, for just ten minutes or so. As with any practice, it becomes easier the longer and more consistently you engage. So start the meditation habit today, and if you need a little nudge, reach out to me. I’m happy to help.
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