This has been a week of letting go. Letting go of an organized house. Letting go of daily walks. Letting go of independence. And I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s hard, and it’s messy, and it sucks.
A few weeks ago I mentioned I sprained both my ankles hiking on a new trail. And then we had guests. And then we had grandkids. And then I had an out of town wedding. So those took priority and two weeks later I finally decided I should probably go in for X-rays. Turns out I had two broken ankles.
It may have only been one, my right one. The left may have been an old break from many years ago, but there’s no way of knowing. At any rate, it was healing nicely, thank goodness. The right ankle not so much, so surgery was required, and a splint was put in place, with very strict instructions to not put any weight on that one.
The surgery was to re-break the fibula that had already begun to heal and to put a metal plate over it, as well as a pin through the bones to pull the ankle back together. It was much more intensive and invasive than I anticipated and recovery is slow.
Add to the mix, my husband left on a long-planned trip two days after surgery. My daughter arrived until I was sure I was good on my own. Am I good on my own? I figure, if I can feed myself, take care of the cats, and go to the bathroom by myself, that’s what’s important so, yes, I’m good on my own.
It may be the drugs, or it may be my humanness showing through, but at times like this it’s difficult to stay in the present moment. The weather has been perfect and the ocean beckons me. The sand dunes are just as I like them and I miss finding my perfect path through them to the water.
I often say that my favorite thing that meditation has taught me is patience. That has changed over this past week, and now if you asked me what lesson stands out more than any other, I would have to say, “acceptance.” Hardships are a part of life. Acceptance of things that are beyond my control helps me to grow.
Acceptance helps me put things in perspective, and this, I know, is a temporary setback. I am following all directions to the letter because I want to get back to all those things I miss as soon as possible. I focus on what I can do to help the situation. Yes, life is hard, and messy and it sucks, and then it doesn’t. So I will use this time for self-care and the inner work of being a better human. And I will remind myself that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes.
Deb Smith
Sending hugs for healing my friend!!