You Won’t Believe What I Heard

I remember as an 18 year old working as a waitress, we would get slammed at 5:30am by all the tough construction workers before they started for the day. They got together every morning to drink coffee and gossip.

We humans are social creatures. And one of the ways that reveals itself is that we love to talk about each other. We often say we don’t like to gossip, yet it’s sort of built in to our genetics. That means in order to steer clear of gossip, we must overcome our natural tendencies. Difficult, but not impossible.

Let’s start with what I mean by gossip. Gossip is a type of social interaction. It’s casual, often unsubstantiated rumors, and often (but not always) unkind. Usually the target of the gossip isn’t even present.

We all know people who love to gossip, and I want to believe that most people aren’t even aware that they are gossiping. It just becomes habit. And when I’m around someone like that, it’s easy to get pulled into the drama. While most of us would agree, gossip is not something we want to do, learning to stop gossiping can be challenging.

For the next few days, I want you to notice, without changing anything, how often you engage in gossip. You may not be the one spreading rumors, you just may be listening, just notice when gossip enters your life. Then pay attention to how it makes you feel. If it feels “icky” like it does to me, here are some ways to make your social conversations more intentional, kinder, and positive.

Be mindful
Choose your words carefully. Be intentional. Take the advice of Socrates, and before you speak, ask yourself if your words are true, kind and necessary.

Practice compassion
Before you share information about another, ask yourself how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Disengage with gossip
If you’ve got a handle on your own gossip, chances are you’re still hearing others do so. Speak up! You can politely let people know you’re not comfortable with where the conversation is going and you’d like to change it to something else like, say, the always safe puppies and kittens 🙂

Be covert
If you don’t think you can be direct, that’s okay. Just steer the subject away from the target of the gossip. Share something positive that happened to you recently or ask the gossip something about themselves.

Choose wisely
Steer clear of the gossips. Consider that if they’re gossiping about someone else, they are probably doing the same about you. Remember, when you surround yourself with positive, energetic, compassionate people, you naturally avoid gossips.

Ask the why
What’s the point of gossip? Why do you choose to gossip? Get real about it. That may be anything from boosting yourself up by putting others down, to anger at the target, to just plain boredom. Knowing the why makes it easier to stop.

Gossip creates drama, and we all know those people who love drama. Refuse to play the gossip game and you’ll find drama showing up a little less often in your life.